On this day one year ago, I was Celebrating February 14th. It’s been a long, hard year since then. While I was released from that visit with a mere Contract for Safety, I was back at the ER a month later, being admitted to the inpatient unit because I was dangerously suicidal. I had another three inpatient stays throughout the year, including one that followed an overdose of Benadryl.
I’ve signed at least half a dozen Contracts for Safety and laughed at the idea of many more. I’m no longer asked to sign them. I’ve had a total of 63 therapy sessions across 3 therapists.
I’ve gone every month or two to the psych APRN to have medications adjusted. Each time that he has set the appointments 2 months apart, something has happened halfway between them. The first time, I ended up in inpatient. The second time, I had to call him with a problem, and still ended up in inpatient. The third time, he gave me permission to call for a sooner appointment and I did.
Currently I take Wellbutrin, Latuda, and BuSpar, with a few leftover trazodone on hand in case I can’t sleep. During the past year I’ve also taken Seroquel (made me suicidal) and Abilify (didn’t seem to help as much as the Latuda).
A month ago, I started attending DBT group therapy each week. Next week I have an interview with Vocational Rehabilitation to see if they’ll pay to have the supported employment services help me with job hunting, as anxiety led to me quitting my full-time job in December.
As I said, a long, hard year, but things are starting to look up. Not only do I not want to kill myself, but I’m no longer passively suicidal and am even starting to find some enjoyment in activities again. I still feel pretty hopeless about my life as a whole, but at least I have some ability to take steps toward a better future.
One such step, which I’ve been planning for some time, is the writing of a book about this first year of treatment. I have some ideas of information I’d want to include, but am opening this question up to readers: what would you be interested in reading more about if I were to write such a book?