The other day I received some very harsh criticisms about the prologue and first 2 chapters of my book. I was devastated, but my mind did not leap to plans of suicide, so the increase in my Wellbutrin dose must be working. My newly rational reaction was to send a copy to my favorite blogger – Zoe of Volatile Stability – and see if she would have a different perspective, given that she has encouraged me in writing the book. I was devastated again when I went to get her e-mail address and found that she had deleted her blog. I have no other way to contact her.
Last year I was forced to accept that there are temporary people in my life; those who can make a huge positive impact in months, days, or even mere hours and then be gone. It has been very hard for me to deal with appreciating their influence for what it was and to let them go.
There was Deputy Wayne, with whom I spent only a couple of hours total in two moments of crisis. There was my first therapist, Wendy, whom I saw 17 times over the course of two and a half months, knowing the entire time that she would soon be gone. There was the HR representative, Kara, who made work feel like a safe place for the first time in months only to leave for a new job. There were the many staff members at the inpatient unit, where I spent a total of 13 nights in the course of four admissions. Longer-term, there were all my coworkers – especially my boss, Jed – whom I abruptly lost contact with when anxiety led me to quit after a year in the job.
It still makes me sad looking back on my time with these people and wishing they could be a part of my life. However, I’ve learned to appreciate not only the time that I did have with them, but also the people with whom I can maintain contact. This doesn’t mean I won’t still try to hang onto people as long as I can, so if you see this, Zoe, please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I miss following along with your adventures.