Last week my therapist and I reviewed the Pros & Cons of Quitting DBT Group. She came up with a few ideas on both sides that I hadn’t thought of, but most importantly she pointed out that I seemed unsure of what to do, and while I can always quit at any time it might be very difficult for me if I tried to go back after quitting. So I decided to stay until I was more sure. I went to group today and now I’m sure. I definitely want to quit.
Today we covered Mindfulness for the millionth time. They do that module over and over, in between all the other modules, but there’s never anything new to learn. They just have us read the same two pages of material out loud to each other and tell us that while it sounds simple it’s really hard to put into practice. Let me tell you, I have never liked the whole reading aloud concept, and it’s especially torturous in a group of people who are significantly less than intelligent.
There’s one particular member who gets on my nerves just by opening her mouth. She talks a lot, and is completely incapable of forming a coherent sentence. Her voice is irritating, and she loves to volunteer to read aloud. I spent half of today’s group meeting using the Square Breathing skill to calm myself so I wouldn’t turn and punch her teeth out. Okay, I exaggerate. I would never punch someone – I’m too afraid of the consequences. But occasionally I fantasize about it, and my therapist is always alarmed when I note an urge to harm others.
This member has been in the group for years and has no intention of ever “graduating”, so I can’t even hope that she’ll quit like so many have since I started. I wouldn’t let her presence drive me away if I thought I was benefiting from the group, but I’m not so it’s just another good reason to get the hell out of there.
I’ve made an agreement with myself that I will stick with it just through a repeat of the Interpersonal Effectiveness Module. That was the one I started with in the other group, and in addition to being new I also hadn’t covered it with my therapist. We’re working on that one now, so maybe the overlap will teach me something I missed the first time around. After that, I’m gone. Here’s hoping that we will cover this module quickly.