Exactly one year ago I was released from my 4th and final inpatient stay of 2014. I haven’t been back since. There have been several times in the past year where I thought I was headed there, but (whether wisely or not) the people who make those decisions have opted not to send me and I am thankful.
I am thankful I survived the Benadryl overdose. I am thankful Deputy Wayne was there to put my shoes on when mom couldn’t get the double knots out of the laces. I am thankful for the sweet nurse, Darlene, who ordered my meals in the ICU so I wouldn’t have to make scary phone calls. I am thankful I got sent home in time for Thanksgiving, even if it felt like a mistake at the time.
I am thankful for 56 appointments with Sadie, 10 appointments with Brent, and 33 meetings of DBT group. I am thankful for Sierra and Nadia, Joan and Jean and Jan. I am thankful for the assistance from Vocational Rehab and thankful for the new job that I’ve now held for exactly 6 months. I am thankful I didn’t lose said job when I had to take medical leave less than a month after I started.
I am thankful for the state-funded insurance that covered my unexpected surgery. I am thankful the surgery went smoothly and thankful that my coworkers took good care of me during my hospital stay.
I am thankful for my doctor and her nurse practitioner, and my dentist, all of whom are accepting that insurance. I am thankful for the patient assistance program that provided medication for free when I didn’t have insurance to cover it. I am thankful for CMHC’s leniency in expecting repayment of the bill I accumulated during all those inpatient stays last year.
I am thankful for my mother and her willingness to keep pills locked up for my safety, no matter how inconvenient it is to her. I am thankful for my friends and how they tolerate my seemingly never-ending litany of complaints. I am thankful for the coworkers that make me want to stay late after work just to spend time with them. I am thankful for the talented, fun, and kind actors I had the privilege of stage managing.
I am thankful for this blog and the opportunity it gives me to express myself. I am thankful for the haunted cornfield and the confidence I gained from selling tickets and souvenirs there. I am thankful for regaining the ability to concentrate well enough to read dozens of books this year. I am thankful for the three cats who welcome me every time I come home.
I know I often say I can’t see the point in living, when nothing could ever be good enough to make up for the suffering involved. I am thankful the universe hasn’t taken me up on my offer to cease existing, as despite my doubts about the future I do still hope to see better days.