I Am Thankful

Exactly one year ago I was released from my 4th and final inpatient stay of 2014.  I haven’t been back since.  There have been several times in the past year where I thought I was headed there, but (whether wisely or not) the people who make those decisions have opted not to send me and I am thankful.

I am thankful I survived the Benadryl overdose.  I am thankful Deputy Wayne was there to put my shoes on when mom couldn’t get the double knots out of the laces.  I am thankful for the sweet nurse, Darlene, who ordered my meals in the ICU so I wouldn’t have to make scary phone calls.  I am thankful I got sent home in time for Thanksgiving, even if it felt like a mistake at the time.

I am thankful for 56 appointments with Sadie, 10 appointments with Brent, and 33 meetings of DBT group.  I am thankful for Sierra and Nadia, Joan and Jean and Jan.  I am thankful for the assistance from Vocational Rehab and thankful for the new job that I’ve now held for exactly 6 months. I am thankful I didn’t lose said job when I had to take medical leave less than a month after I started.

I am thankful for the state-funded insurance that covered my unexpected surgery.  I am thankful the surgery went smoothly and thankful that my coworkers took good care of me during my hospital stay.

I am thankful for my doctor and her nurse practitioner, and my dentist, all of whom are accepting that insurance.  I am thankful for the patient assistance program that provided medication for free when I didn’t have insurance to cover it.  I am thankful for CMHC’s leniency in expecting repayment of the bill I accumulated during all those inpatient stays last year.

I am thankful for my mother and her willingness to keep pills locked up for my safety, no matter how inconvenient it is to her.  I am thankful for my friends and how they tolerate my seemingly never-ending litany of complaints.  I am thankful for the coworkers that make me want to stay late after work just to spend time with them.  I am thankful for the talented, fun, and kind actors I had the privilege of stage managing.

I am thankful for this blog and the opportunity it gives me to express myself. I am thankful for the haunted cornfield and the confidence I gained from selling tickets and souvenirs there. I am thankful for regaining the ability to concentrate well enough to read dozens of books this year. I am thankful for the three cats who welcome me every time I come home.

I know I often say I can’t see the point in living, when nothing could ever be good enough to make up for the suffering involved.  I am thankful the universe hasn’t taken me up on my offer to cease existing, as despite my doubts about the future I do still hope to see better days.


3 thoughts on “I Am Thankful

  1. Lots and lots to be thankful for. I loved reading all of them. Hope your day is going smoothly :)


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