Sticking With the Devil I Know

A few months ago, when I had a Med Change (Sort Of), I confessed to having a crush on Brent.  I still do, and when I was last in inpatient after being unable to assert myself with him, I met a psychiatrist who seemed really helpful (and said Brent is “Not What You Need“).  I wanted to start seeing him, but my insurance informed me he was not in-network.

Yesterday, I asked Sadie via e-mail if she’d heard back from Jean, and she said that Jean was not taking on new clients.  I cried nearly to the point of throwing up, then in a burst of bravery, I called Dr. Flanders’ office and left a message asking about the out-of-pocket cost for appointments.  He called me back himself and did not tell me the cost – he told me he wasn’t taking on new clients because he’s retiring.  So disappointed.

I replied to Sadie, saying that it looked like I’m stuck with figuring out how to work with Brent, and she pointed out that there was still the one option of the psychiatrist who only works Thursday evenings.  I don’t even need to discuss it with her to know that is not what I want.  For one thing, I’m working a lot of Thursday evenings coming up and if he’s even taking new clients in that limited timeframe it would be difficult to schedule appointments.  Plus he’d be unavailable in a crisis, whereas Brent is willing to squeeze me in same-day if I really need to see him.  Also, the reason he only works one day a week is because he’s mostly retired, so I’ll end up losing him within a few years.

I’ve gotten some suggestions on CrazyMeds about how to make this situation work out.  One person suggested that I associate negative traits with Brent in an attempt to squelch the crush, but others have pointed out that this might be even more damaging to the professional relationship.  It’s been suggested that since I know I like him, maybe I should stick with him and tell him that I have trouble being assertive with him and ask him to help me work on that.  I’ve been waiting for Sadie to hopefully have an opening before tomorrow in which we could figure out what I’ll say to Brent on Wednesday, but it’s looking like nobody’s going to cancel.  I do see her before I see him, but it’s immediately before and won’t give me any time to prepare.

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