Last night was the third meeting of my NAMI Peer-to-Peer class. Last night was the first time I missed the class. I spent the day nervously looking out the window to see if snow would start up again (it had snowed heavily in the morning but instantly melted) and decided that if the weather was clear at 4:30 I’d try driving to the class. Normally I would leave at 5, but I was allowing extra time in case there were snowy patches along the way.
At 4:30 I stared out the window and was disappointed that it looked like a blizzard. I gave serious consideration to trying to go to class anyway, despite knowing how unsafe it was. I felt awful about having to miss, as though I had in some way failed to follow through on a commitment even though I know no one else in the class would have driven 45 minutes to be there even in good weather. I texted the facilitator, and he said he really appreciated that I travel so far to participate and that he’d have this week’s material for me next week.
Since I was going to be home for supper, I asked mom if we could make a pizza. We had the crust made and I was almost done spreading the sauce on when I remembered that we didn’t have any of the Italian blend cheese. On any other day I would have run to the store to buy some, but since it was snowing we threw on Mexican blend and hoped for the best. The crust wasn’t done, even after putting it back in for extra time, and the cheese was disgusting. I ate one bite of pizza and had nothing else to eat the rest of the evening.
I went to bed with a sore throat, which is always my first symptom of a cold. I managed to sleep through the part where I shiver with fever, but woke up with my head feeling all cloudy and my nose stuffed up.
This morning I went to DBT group, planning to have lunch with a friend afterward and then go straight to therapy. I got a text when I arrived at DBT group, cancelling my lunch. Then the one person I despise from group decided to rejoin today. Then Nadia announced that she is leaving at the end of the month to pursue a new career.
I’ve been trying desperately to use Radical Acceptance on this chain of events, but I’ve also been really irritable the past few days and can’t seem to stop fighting reality. In my last appointment with Brent I mentioned irritability and he said it was normal if it was only one day a week, which it was at the time. Now it’s been 3 or 4 days in a row and it is driving me up the wall.
The only break in the string of things going poorly has been today’s therapy appointment. I felt like Sadie and I accomplished a lot, including making plans for Coping Ahead with the upcoming anniversaries of my grandparents’ deaths (the 13th and 21st).